Any true ice-cream fan knows their Cherry Garcia from their Boston Cream Pie, but few can say they’ve heard of their filthy siblings, Hairy Garcia and Boston Cream Thigh.
Yes, there was a brief moment in history when the worlds of porn and dairy beautifully intertwined, creating a raunchy, delicious matchup that was, of course, doomed to end in a lawsuit.
This stroke of genius came courtesy of Southern California porn studio Caballero Home Video, an industry heavyweight responsible for some of the best-selling adult films of the ‘80s and ‘90s. Naturally, Caballero was no stranger to an XXX parody; in addition to the award-winning Miami Spice II, the studio released such classics as Throbbin’ Hood, Hot Gunand The Load Warriors.
In the early 2010s, Caballero creatives turned their attention to the Vermont-based ice cream brand Ben & Jerry’s, launching a series of porn spoofs, imaginatively entitled “Ben & Cherry’s.” The individual film titles were hilarious: for the cleavage connoisseur, there was Peanut Butter D-Cup; meanwhile, viewers in the mood for a ‘70s-style full bush could dip their spoons into the delights of Hairy Garcia.
The smut-peddling maestros also took inspiration from the ice cream company’s iconic packaging. Instead of cows grazing blissfully in green meadows under beautiful blue skies, Ben & Cherry’s DVD covers featured nearly-naked women splashed across doctored images of ice cream tubs. They even replaced the famous “Vermont’s Finest” tagline with “Porno’s Finest,” for good measure.
Ironically, Ben & Jerry’s alludes to horniness in its own marketing, with titles like Karamel Sutra, as well as the SNL-inspired Schweddy Balls flavor. But the Ben & Cherry’s series was deemed a step too far. Apparently, the chilly dessert connoisseurs were none too thrilled with Ben & Cherry’s. In 2012, they ordered the company to stop soiling Ben & Jerry’s good name with their dirty movies. An agreement to stop selling the movies was reached in 2013.
Usually, porn is pretty much impossible to erase from the internet, but the Caballero team has done a pretty decent clean-up job — even now, there are holes in Ben & Cherry’s lore. How many movies were there? We think around 10, but there could have been more.
God bless those who screencapped the original DVD covers, as we can now piece together more details of this period of porn history from the artwork alone. They were great value, for one — each was seemingly a four-disc box-set, with over 20 hours of jerk-off material included.
And deep in the stickiest corners of the web, some details of these rare, cream-filled masterpieces have survived. We’ve gathered a free sample for you below.
Arguably the best-known of the series, the cover of Boston Cream Thigh has managed to stay online, albeit with various levels of cropping and pixelation. “Brown on the outside and creamy on the inside,” the tagline reads, along with the promise of a “delicious mix of interracial FLAVOR!”
The censored DVD cover is still out there, but we don’t get much of a feel for the storyline — all we have to go off is “Chocolate creamy lust flavor.” But come on, we know what to expect, right?
This is one of the more creative offerings in the B&C series, and it seemingly caters to viewers with a taste for sapphic, full-bush action. The tagline makes it pretty clear what we’re in for: “Hairy mixed with a little CHERRY flavor!”
BBW fans get a look in with this four-disc set, which advertises “hot, fat and sloppy chunky chicks,” as well as the mysterious mention of “chunky filled with cream!”
Honorable Mentions
News coverage of the 2012 lawsuit offers up tantalizing teasers of other Ben & Cherry’s offerings, like the obvious titty-fest, Peanut Butter D-Cup; the anal-avoidant Everything But the Butt; and a probably cum-filled offering of Americone Cream, likely with a side of boned-up patriotism.
These are the white whales of ice cream porn parody. May they inspire legions of OnlyFans stars with good lawyers to shoot their own alternatives.
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