The internet is full of people sharing their horniness in ways you never thought possible. Whether it’s dudes on Reddit doing unspeakable things to anime figurines, or people on Twitter replying to every single porn star asking when their next video will be out, the World Wide Web is a place where horniness lives, breathes, and somehow, never dies.


While a long-time internet user may not be surprised by these tales of sexual deviance, every now and again, there are those who admit to fetishes so bizarre that it brings even the most stoic basement dwellers to pause. One example of such an admission was recently made on the subreddit r/Confessions, in which the user said that the thing that got them off most was… trading.



That’s right, the simple exchange of goods and services makes this man pop like a shaken champagne bottle. However, OP won’t settle for sheer cash and card transactions like us peasants. The only way to really get him going is through barter — I’ve got a pig, you’ve got five bails of hay, we’ve got both a deal and a man with a mess in his trousers.


Unfortunately, this particular kink has made our poor poster’s life difficult. “I can’t even play Minecraft without getting hard as a fucking battering ram whilst trading emeralds for enchanting books and shit,” he says. I’d imagine playing Settlers of Catan with this guy would require you to lay out a tarp before gameplay.


As some users pointed out, there are plenty of places in the real world where he could engage in this fantasy in real life. “You need to holiday in Morocco, where you are expected to barter for goods, you will have the holiday of a lifetime,” wrote one user. Give this man two weeks in a tourist town in Turkey, and I guarantee that he’ll have a Pavlovian ejaculation at the sound of the words “Hello, my friend!”


Although OP seems pretty torn up about this whole thing, he really shouldn’t be. As many commenters noted, there are plenty of weirder kinks — and asking your partner to barter isn’t nearly as annoying as being the guy who spends 45 minutes tying the perfect bondage knot. And if that dude happens to be reading this, I’ll give you two pieces of polished stone for you to post again. That feeling you’re now getting in your pants is on the house.