Do you have a lot of time on your hands? Like hours upon hours, upon hours, upon hours, of spare time? Does the thought of adopting a four-figure yearly lotion budget fill you with a sick sense of glee? Have you ever wished edging somehow made you cum even less than it already did?


Enter “gooning,” the internet’s favorite euphemism for when you want to jerk off, but never, ever cum.


First emerging into the internet’s horny zeitgeist in the early 20-teens, the definition of gooning is relatively straightforward – jerking it for hours on end with no end in sight.



Defined as the act of “getting so into masturbating that the dude becomes a total goon; becomes stupid on his own cock,” per the term’s first Urban Dictionary entry back in 2005, the term has only grown in popularity over the last two decades, a testament, to not only our collective horniness and the increased accessibility to porn but also how much we need to disassociate in these ever-trying times.


Named in reference to the goon-like state that comes with continually jacking off for several hours at a time per the internet archivists at Know Your Meme, the trend first hit the mainstream in May 2019, when r/Gooned launched on Reddit.



A self-described “Reddit-based bastion for all bate-addicted fistfuckers,” the forum has amassed nearly 990,000 members in its more than four years on the site, creating a community of very very un-busy people who really like masturbating themselves into a daze.


With this newfound Reddit presence, the kink managed to get the meme treatment, with several posts skyrocketing the term to viral fame, especially over the past several months.


“I have saved $53,000 by claiming the home office tax deduction on my Gooncave,” Dril wrote in a post from last November which has since garnered more than 9,000 likes.



“Is everybody gooning” mused RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Katya Zamolodchikova in a tweet from late last month.



The answer, it seems, is a resounding yet. Hope you have your goon kit on hand, besties!