Disgraced Subway sleaze Jared Fogle has released his first statement since his 2015 conviction on child pornography charges and paying for sex with an underage girl. Serving a 15 year and eight-month sentence, Fogle's handwritten letter -- jotted down on ruled notebook paper -- marks the first time the former subway spokesperson has spoken in nearly seven years. 

In it, Fogle makes a few apologies before going on to detail the current workout and diet regimen that has sustained him in prison and left him looking like a semi-melted wax statue of a forty thousand-year-old Mesopotamian vampire -- and quoting Shawshank Redemption for good measure. 

The first thing Fogle makes sure to do is correct some previous report that he was taking culinary classes in prison before going on to detail his fitness regime which apparently includes running four-to-five miles a day and trying to curb junk food with healthy snacks. 

"I realize I royally screwed up to end up where I am."  He says, "I was selfish and entitled and I think about all the people I let down every single day, especially my family."

He ends by quoting Shawshank, saying, "There's a quote from the film 'The Shawshank Redemption' that goes something like 'you can either get busy living or get busy dying' when you're sent to prison. I've done everything I can to get busy living and make the most of this unwanted situation." 

Why Jared Fogle chose now to speak up and respond to journalists or why he thinks it would be welcome news to anyone that a pedophile convicted of sleeping with an underage girl was "finding ways to smile" or "making the most of [his] unwanted situation" is unclear. 

If he can quote Shawshank, we can quote The Post and say that we hope Jared continues to "Enjoy footlongs in jail" for every minute of the remainder of his sentence.  

The full letter reads as follows. 

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and write me. At this time , I am not doing any interviews. 

To answer a couple of your questions, whoever posted that I was taking culinary arts is wrong. I have not. COVID protocols here at F.C.I. Englewood.  IN response to the rigorous fitness regiment, that is true. I run 4-5 miles everyday and am the most healthy and inshore I’ve ever been. We don’t have a lot of control over out daily lives in prison but working out is one of the things I can control. I currently weight 180 pound. I try to avoid too much junk food. I snack on granola bars, nuts and protein bars. I feel really good physically and mentally. This time of year I love watching college and N.F.L Football which makes the weekends fly by. I read the N.Y. Times daily and like reading all kinds of books, especially historical fiction. I still love to laugh and smile. I realize I really screwed up to wind up where I am. I was selfish and entitled. I think about all the people I’ve let down every single day, especially my family. All I can do is learn from my stupid mistakes to become a better man when I get released in a few years. I very much look forward to re-starting my life and enjoying every moment with my family who have stood by and supported me. I’m so lucky to have them. 

There is no parole in the federal system. You have to do at least 85% of your given sentence. I really don’t know what I’ll do in the future, it’s is sort of an open book I guess. Prison takes away so much but I really miss the small things like walking barefoot on carpet, sleeping on a nice comfy mattress, eating with real silverware, having access to a microwave. 

There is a line in “The Shawshank Redemption” movie that goes something like “you can either get busy living or get busy dying” when are are sent to prison. I’ve done everything I can to get busy living and make the most of this unwanted experience. 

I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving holiday. Stay safe and healthy. 

All the best! 

Jared Fogle