Though Thursday’s Monkey Day holiday may encourage us homo sapiens to celebrate our primate cousins, it appears hanging with apes can be quite bananas — just ask one poor pedestrian who found herself battling a hoard of baboons while on a recent mountainside walk.
What would you do ??? pic.twitter.com/rQWf8ITQUO
— Champagne Sloshy (@JoshyBeSloshy) December 13, 2023
It’s unclear what exactly sparked this monkey melee, one that first hit the web late last month, but whatever it was was that serious, prompting a group of five angry apes to sprint down a mountain and towards a woman walking on the shoulder of a nearby road.
While the woman tried to make a break for it, power walking away from the swarm of wild baboons, one member of their gang decided to escalate their already-tense encounter, standing on its hind legs and punching its newly minted foe.
The now-viral clip cut off in the height of the action, yet several Twitter users didn’t need a demonstration to know how, exactly, they’d fare if placed in this woman’s walking shoes.
— MⓞNK BLOODY Ps (@MonkeyBlood) December 14, 2023
While several confessed that they’d nope the f—k out of there as fast as they could — “Get off their block??” @elitelife_kd replied to a prompt asking what users would do if placed in the video’s high-specific predicament — others desired to duke it out, detailing their specific plans of primate attack.
For @StevieDerrick_, this battle plan consisted of doing “what my mama taught me.” “If somebody puts their hands on you, handle your business,” they wrote.
* do what my mama taught me.
— ,. (@StevieDerrick_) December 14, 2023
“if somebody puts their hands on you, handle your business” ☝️ https://t.co/l5NncDgrEa pic.twitter.com/luhFYD185U
“You gotta kick one of them shits hard asl to assert ya dominance,” added @kart3r, while @infernape_914 concocted an equally Looney Tunes plan of escape.
“Pull a grenade and plant a C4 on the highway, then somersault and crawl away,” they joked.
We can only hope that these monkeys learned a hard lesson about brawling — they may be the kings of the jungle, but they are most certainly not the king of the road.
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