Blue balls. If you’re a dude who’s been through puberty, you’ve likely had them at one point or another. Officially called “Epididymal Hypertension,” blue balls happen when you get hard and then don’t have an orgasm. On some occasions, this can lead to a pain in the balls — not sure why the Good Lord designed us this way, but such is life.

Now, careful readers will have noticed that the solution to blue balls is right there in its causes — i.e., you can just jerk off. However, some men take a different approach: being really annoying to women.

In a post to r/TwoXChromosomes, Redditor CappuChibi writes, “Three seperate men made me believe that not finishing made them feel pain.” According to CappuChibi, there were three different incidents in which former partners told her or went along with the idea that, if they didn’t get laid, they would be in incredible pain. “When my current partner and I got together, he could go a couple of days without sex. I’d ask him if he was mad at me at least 20 times,” she writes at the end of the post. “When I asked if he wasn’t hurting, he looked at me like I was an alien.”

In case it wasn’t clear, all of these dudes could have just rubbed one out. Second, it’s not like your balls begin to ache every time you get turned on and don’t do anything about it. If that were the case, half of the 15-year old population would double over in agony every time they caught a glimpse of sideboob. Third, obviously, it’s wrong to pressure anyone into sex for any reason. Finally, and this is a pretty easy idea to grasp, but “my peanus horts so bad” is not a great reason to have sex.  

Redditors echoed these sentiments. “It can be uncomfortable to get very excited/touching and not finish. The thing is a guy can just jerk off to get the exact same release,” explained one. “I always ask when other men talk about it as if it is a woman’s problem like are your hands broken or something?” asked another.

“These Men: I’m a strong man. I build empires. I am the wolf. The protector. The one true king. Also these men: please touch my wee wee because if you don’t it hurts me im going to crryyyyyyyyyyyyy,” joked a further Redditor.

So remember: If you haven’t had an orgasm and your balls begin to hurt, the solution is in your hands — preferably covered in lotion.