What’s more annoying than a sleepwalking roommate? A sleepf—king roommate, a lesson one student learned the hard way after enduring several sleepless nights as his roommate got freaky with none other than his mattress.


Redditor u/Fragrant-Skirt7722 headed to r/AskMen on Wednesday with a question that could baffle even the manliest of men — and most sex therapists, too —  looking for guidance on how to cope with a roomie that keeps “f–king his bed.”


Though the roommate in question did warn OP that he did have a propensity for occasional “sleeptalking,” they quickly realized that such was most definitely an understatement.



“The ‘sleeptalking’ went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room,” they wrote, before detailing just how intense these mattress f—k sessions could get.

“This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning,” they continued, noting that they were writing the post at 4:30 a.m. after being woke up by the sounds of their roommate “rawdogging his mattress again.”  “It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.”


Even worse, the roommate refused to simply nut in silence, calling out names of their mutual friends while enjoying an evidently very wet dream.


“Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak ‘uuuunghhhhhh Lauren’ squeak squeak ‘oh fuck yeah’ squeak,” they recounted in probably a little too much detail.


Considering these compounding layers of awkwardness, u/Fragrant-Skirt7722 found themself in quite a pickle.


“I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time.”


While several doubted the legitimacy of u/Fragrant-Skirt7722 ‘s story — “this can’t be real,” wrote u/Blackcoffee128 — it turns out OP was far from alone.


“I had a barracks mate back in MOS school that was a pillow fucker,” commented u/Eric_the_Barbarian.


“Best tact is to fire a clear warning shot that lets them avoid further discussion without needing any feedback from them that would acknowledge the problem,” they continued. “‘Hey, pillow fucker, it'd be great if you could keep the noise down so we can avoid talking about it in the future.’”


But hey, as u/bigal55 noted, it could always be worse: “could hear him calling out your name!” he wrote.