Despite his millions and the fact that he was once married to Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen, it seems Tom Brady, at his core, is still an unemployed, divorced 40-something, taking to social media with a post only a newly unemployed, single 40-something could conjure — a 10 a.m., bet-losing thirst trap.
On Monday, February 6, Brady took a break from his busy schedule of not preparing for Sunday’s Super Bowl to prove that contrary to popular misconception, he is *not* a contender for a Real Housewives of Myrtle Beach and is like, really hot, you guys, sharing a steamy selfie in just his underwear after losing a bet … with his own company.
Did I do it right? @Edelman11 @RobGronkowski @bradybrand https://t.co/9bN6N3WbSN pic.twitter.com/3lSgRXKc0F
— Tom Brady (@TomBrady) February 6, 2023
In a move that may singlehandedly encompass the phrase “down horrendous,” newly solo Brady made good on a promise he made with — let’s be real, himself — last summer, sharing a photo of himself in his boxers after his brand tweeted him a 9 a.m. reminder Monday morning that he needed to show bulge on main (after all, who isn’t thinking about Tom Brady’s dick at 9 am on a Monday?).
Tom Brady is like if one of those Boston Dynamics dog robots made a wish to be a real boy
— Molly Lambert (@mollylambert) February 6, 2023
“Did I do it right?” Brady coy-ly captioned the snap of himself shirtless on his bed before tagging his brand and fellow footballers Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, a post that is *definitely* not beating the “football is homoerotic” allegations (it is, and it’s great).
Garnering more than 14 million Twitter views in its first hours on the platform, it seems Brady learned a very important lesson about posting fake “demure” thirst trape on main — everyone who isn’t a 30-year-old MLM saleswoman from bumfuck Idaho can and will roast you.
Yet beyond garnering comparisons to Black Mirror villains, Black Mirror-adjacent villains, and bread so terrible they should be Black Mirror villains, one element stood out amid the social media brouhaha — Brady needs to get some.
Tom Brady entering his Divorced Guy who looks like a M3GAN bot. pic.twitter.com/ubIKfbNhdB
— JT (@idiotcoward) February 6, 2023
“The fact that Tom Brady used his own brand to send him a tweet of something from over a year ago so that he could use it to post a thirst trap on main... this man is down BAD,” wrote one user.
The fact that Tom Brady used his own brand to send him a tweet of something from over a year ago so that he could use it to post a thirst trap on main... this man is down BAD. pic.twitter.com/iEtVmy1TNT
— Tár Tár Binks (@BostonJerry) February 6, 2023
Yet even as Brady is evidently reeling after swapping one mediocre NFL season for his smart, witchy Victoria’s Secret model wife, it still could be worse — he could be Rita Ora.
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