A woman named Mariè is behind the Twitter account p8stie, a page responsible for teaching its followers how to execute especially toxic goals. While much of social media life advice revolves around 'positive energy,' the self proclaimed "#1 dental influencer of 2023" unironically strategizes how to enact the most manipulative of plans.
Here are five of our favorites:
HOW TO LOWER YOUR BOYFRIEND’S TESTOSTERONE: a thread
— Mariè (@p8stie) October 29, 2022
It's no secret that girls like to date bad boys, but then those boys are often bad to them. It's a paradox that has wrecked havoc on the dating world for generations. This thread helps address that issue.
Everyone wants to lock down a high T man. They’re more attractive and more fun.
— Mariè (@p8stie) October 29, 2022
Unfortunately, once you have them, you are constantly worried that their high levels of T will cause them to do something crazy or cheat on you
Thats why you have to manipulate his hormones
"But that's awful!" you might say. Yes, it is, but that's not the point here. The point is that you want to control his time, and thus his outlets for testosterone. Make his job sedentary, and his activities outside of it pre-planned. Make sure you're there to get in the way of his old outlets, like joining him at sports games or nights out with the boys. Eventually he'll just rely on you for all decision making. Problem solved.
HOW TO DISTANCE YOUR MAN FROM HIS FRIENDS: a thread
— Mariè (@p8stie) January 4, 2023
Many women want their boyfriend all to themselves, but any man worth having has a real social life. That means getting rid of his friends. "But isn't that harmful to long term stability?" Of course it is, but that's not the goal here.
Slowly begin taking all time. Insist on weekly dates and events. Do with him the activities he’s used to doing with his friends
— Mariè (@p8stie) January 4, 2023
He likes beef & football? Insist he watches with YOUR family. Sports? Make him join YOUR office kickball league. He works out? Go to the gym with him
You may notice some similar points to the first, and that's certainly by design. It's almost as if a controlling girlfriend who takes up all of your time is toxic. Once you've normalized the pressure of going out with you, the jig's up.
Whenever he mentions his friends, conveniently have something else planned. Men, especially straight men, get socially tired quickly
— Mariè (@p8stie) January 4, 2023
If you really fill up all his time, he’ll get so tired that he’ll want to spend any free time ALONE w/ his hobbies
He won't be contacting his friends anymore.
HOW TO GET YOUR ANNOYING COWORKER FIRED: a thread
— Mariè (@p8stie) October 11, 2022
On to a more morally accepted, although still manipulative topic. The key here is to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. You can't dig up dirt on someone if they don't trust you enough to spill the beans. Staying on good terms with higher ups is a must as well.
Once the pieces are in place, troubling rumors can fly unabated. Questionable political beliefs are lethal. Soon the whole office will be on your side. If all else fails, the fake Tinder bio is on the table.
Remember. Don’t feel guilty for doing this. You are just a natural force in the American corporate ecosystem.
— Mariè (@p8stie) October 11, 2022
This person will find another job, and Being in a situation with a bunch of people hating on them wasn’t good for them anyway
It's not your fault, it's capitalism.
HOW TO GET YOUR BOYFRIEND TO STOP WATCHING PORN: a thread
— Mariè (@p8stie) November 15, 2022
It's not possible to be better looking than every single woman on the internet. That's why it's essential to get your boyfriend to stop watching porn. The key here is guilt.
Once you’re on his device, go to his browsing history. Personal devices have made people lazy and he probably doesn’t clear it. Find the weirdest thing you can, and print it out.
— Mariè (@p8stie) November 15, 2022
Put it on the kitchen fridge.
Even the blandest man watches some freaky stuff. It's time to kink shame. No man permanently ditches porn however, so allow the relapse. That's where you can really get him. Bring his mother into play if you have to. And don't be scared to promote addictions to cigarets and video games. They'll take the edge off.
HOW TO DISTANCE YOUR MAN FROM HIS MOTHER: a thread
— Mariè (@p8stie) November 19, 2022
Mariè's advice hinges on manipulating men's natural habits. Nothing gets in the way of that more than the instincts of a mother trying to protect her son. That's why you need to distance your boyfriend from her, and remind him who the number one woman in his life is. The strategy here is repulse, and replace.
The first thing you’re going to do is find out everything about his family. Ask questions, get him to open up about his mom and any childhood trauma she caused. Hyperfixate on this in a subtle way. Never say anything bad about her yourself, but get HIM to focus on her faults
— Mariè (@p8stie) November 19, 2022
Once you've planted those negative seeds, look at the positive too. Find out what he loves about his mother and be that for him. This is actually a nice thing to do, but renders her useless. All he remembers is her faults, and all he needs is you.
Should you take Mariè's advice? That depends. If you want to be a good person, then no. But that's not why you're here. You're here for results, and nobody gets those better than a toxic girlfriend. So take notes.
4 Comments