30 People From History Cooler than Cool
Nathan Johnson
Published
04/09/2022
in
wow
History is much cooler than most people pretend it to be. We like to think of the past in terms that minimize historical events because we relate them to our world today. For example, just because we have more technology today, that doesn't mean the past was some unsophisticated series of events.
So if you think the past is drab, then you don't know history.
So if you think the past is drab, then you don't know history.
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1.
Nellie Bly . Went undercover and endured abuse to cover neglect and abuse in Blackwell’s asylum, went to Mexico and called out the dictator for going after the press and oppressing his people and then fleed/was exiled out of Mexico because of that, traveled the world in 70-something days to prove you could travel the world in 80 days or less (based off the the Jules Verne novel) , also did reporting on the Eastern European front in World War One and also was arrested after she was mistaken for a British Spy, and she did so much more ! Such a bad ass and one of my historical heroes. -
2.
Alan Turing, a mathematician who saved 2 million lives in WWII just by doing math. -
3.
Witold Pilecki, a man so badass that he voluntarily and secretly went into Auschwitz as a prisoner and spy to gather information; while there he regularly made reports on conditions and also organized resistance.
As the war dragged on and conditions became worse, he then successfully broke out of Auschwitz so that he could personally convince his superiors of the truth, as they found his reports too ghastly to be real. -
4.
Michael Collins. Showed up 7 minutes late to negotiations for the Anglo-Irish Treaty in 1922, and when he was corrected said “You’ve had 700 years, I’ll take my 7 minutes” -
5.
Nikola Tesla, for inventing basically everything we use in the modern age. -
6.
Tiananmen Square Tank Man. Armed only with a grocery bag he fearlessly stood down a column of tanks to protest the brutal suppression of peaceful protest by the corrupt and morally bankrupt government of the People’s Republic of China. He dared to openly defy the leadership of China, a feat most modern world leaders who have militaries behind them don’t have the spine to do. -
7.
John Brown, an abolitionist who organized a slave revolt, and was hanged for it.Absolute boss, yet still vilified as being 'too radical' even today. -
8.
Welles Crowther, aka The Man In The Red Bandana. I’m sure most of us have thought about what it must have been like in the World Trade Center on 9/11 and it must have been debilitatingly petrifying. He was 24 years old working on the 104th floor as an equities trader.
Made his way down to the sky lobby of the South Tower and found a badly burned woman, carried her down 17 floors, then went back upstairs to help guide others to the only passable stairwell. Stayed up there helping others and working with the fire department until the towers collapsed. He’s responsible for saving around 20 lives and [passed away] a damn hero. -
9.
I always felt Jonas Salk was pretty bad-ass. The dude created the first successful polio vaccine and gave away the cure for free. -
10.
Olga of Kiev. This lady lost her husband and when it was proposed she marry his murderer, she was like 'sure, send a delegation over so we can talk this out' and they came. She had them dropped in a pit and buried them alive. Then she had another party of men sent to talk about the marriage, and they came. She said, 'hey, it was a long journey, why not come relax in this bathhouse' and they did. She set the bathhouse on fire when they were in it. Then Olga went and sent the Drevilians another message, 'hey bring out the booze i'm coming to mourn my husband's death in your city'.
She came, she mourned, she got the Drevilians drunk, and she had them [taken out] by her followers while they were drunk off their asses.Olga went and got her army, laid siege to the place where her husband was [unalived] for a year, then told them 'I'm willing to forgive and forget if you guys give me a bunch of birds' and the Drevilians did. They turned the birds into mini matches by attaching sulphur to their legs, and then released them. Set the city on fire. Freaking savage. -
11.
Christopher Lee, the actor behind Count Dooku, Saruman and many others was a certified bad a**. Spy and Nazi killer in WWII. Had a couple heavy metal albums as well. -
12.
Lyudmila Mikhailovna Pavlichenko (née Belova; 12 June [O.S. 30 May] 1916 – 10 October 1974) was a Soviet sniper in the Red Army during World War II, credited with 309 confirmed [take outs], making her the most successful female sniper in history. -
13.
Lachhiman Gurung. On 12/13 May 1945 at Taungdaw, Burma [now Myanmar], Rifleman Lachhiman Gurung was manning the most forward post of his platoon which bore the brunt of an attack by at least 200 of the Japanese enemy. Twice he hurled back grenades which had fallen on his trench, but the third exploded in his right hand, blowing off his fingers, shattering his arm and severely wounding him in the face, body and right leg.
His two comrades were also badly wounded but the rifleman, now alone and disregarding his wounds, loaded and fired his rifle with his left hand for four hours, calmly waiting for each attack which he met with fire at point blank range....Of the 87 enemy dead counted in the immediate vicinity of the Company locality, 31 lay in front of this Rifleman's section, the key to the whole position. Had the enemy succeeded in over-running and occupying Rifleman Lachhiman Gurung's trench, the whole of the reverse slope position would have been completely dominated and turned.This Rifleman, by his magnificent example, so inspired his comrades to resist the enemy to the last, that, although surrounded and cut off for three days and two nights, they held and smashed every attack.
His outstanding gallantry and extreme devotion to duty, in the face of almost overwhelming odds, were the main factors in the defeat of the enemy.TL;DR Guy gets surrounded by 200+ Japanese troops, his comrades get taken out and gets left alone, stabs his knife in the floor and declares no Japanese passes that line, throws back several grenades until one explodes, obliterates his hand, injures his arm and face so he just loads his rifle with his other hand and shoots at least 31 [unalive] (literally single handedly).
And this lasted for four hours, not a quick 10 minute burst.The Gurkhas are either brutally heroic or ridiculously insane (or probably both). They will be outmanned and outgunned but they will never be outfought. They would take a knife to a gunfight. And they'd probably win. -
14.
Theodora, Byzantine Empress. She started out as an actress, and the Emperor Justinian fell in love with her. Despite objections, they got married.During the Nike Revolts, her husband almost fled the city of Constantinople and nearly lost the empire. She stood up to him and reasoned with him, urging him not to leave. He stayed, put down the riots, and went on to lead the empire well for many years with Theodora by his side. His most lasting legacy was a massive overhaul and simplification of 1000 years of Roman/Byzantine law into what is now called the Justinian Code. It's often a model for modern systems of jurisprudence. -
15.
Andre the Giant. The guy could drink a case full of beer, then go out in the ring and throw his opponent around like a rag doll. -
16.
Joe Medicine Crow. The last legit Native American to earn the War Chief Title. In World War II he was a scout and wore traditional Crow Nation war paint and feathers. To become a war chief he had to touch an enemy without [unaliving] him, take an enemy's weapon, lead a successful war party, and steal an enemy's horse. He stole over 50 horses from the SS and earned a Bronze Star.Medicine Crow [passed away] at 102 years old. He was born with Woodrow Wilson in office and met Barack Obama before he [passed away]. -
17.
"How has no one said Giles Corey yet? He was accused of witchcraft along with his wife Martha Corey during the Salem Witch Trials. After being arrested, Corey refused to enter a plea of guilty or not guilty. He was subjected to execution by pressing in an effort to force him to plead — the only example of such a sanction in American history — but instead [passed away] after two days of torture.
As a result of his refusal to plead, on September 17, Sheriff George Corwin led Corey to a pit in the open field beside the jail and in accordance with the above process, before the Court and witnesses, stripped Giles of his clothing, laid him on the ground in the pit, and placed boards on his chest. Six men then lifted heavy stones, placing them one by one, on his stomach and chest. Giles Corey did not cry out, let alone make a plea. After two days, Giles was asked three times to plead innocent or guilty to witchcraft. Each time he replied, "More weight." -
18.
Léo Major. Dude turned down his first Distinguished Combat Medal because he didn't like the general who was supposed to give it to him. All good though, he earned two more. A movie about him would be called too unrealistic if they made one. -
19.
Janusz Korczak. He was a military doctor during WW1, a completely committed amazing pedagogue, and the headmaster of a Jewish children’s home during WW2 in the Warsaw Ghetto. He was given several chances to flee to Palestine. Instead electing to stay with the children. Eventually, he accompanied them all the way into the gas chamber, to make sure they didn’t have to die alone and scared. It’s one level of bad-a**ery to [take out] for your cause.
It’s a whole different level of badassery to walk towards certain death for several years, and endure hardship and starvation. Not for some grand cause. Not even to trade your life for someone else's. But only because you feel so much love towards your fellow man, to think it’s your duty to make sure they won’t have to die alone. -
20.
Cassius Marcellus Clay. He was an abolitionist politician and certified badass from Kentucky who freed all of his slaves upon inheriting his father’s plantation, letting them stay and paying them a fair wage. He was the OG progressive and did not take s**t from anyone. It’s no wonder Muhammad Ali was named after him. What is written below isn’t even 10% of the absolute badassery this man accomplished in his life.
If you want the full story, check out the dollop episode in the comments.“Clay had a reputation as a rebel and a fighter. Due to threats on his life, he had become accustomed to carrying two pistols and a knife for protection. He installed a cannon to protect his home and office.”“In 1845, Clay began publishing an anti-slavery newspaper, True American, in Lexington, Kentucky. Within a month he received death threats, had to arm himself, and regularly barricaded the armored doors of his newspaper office for protection, besides setting up two four-pounder cannons inside.”“ During a political debate in 1843, he survived an assassination attempt by Sam Brown, a hired gun.
The scabbard of Clay's Bowie knife was tipped with silver, and in jerking the Bowie knife out in retaliation pulled this scabbard up so that it was just over his heart. Sam Brown's bullet struck the scabbard and embedded itself in the silver. Despite being shot in the chest, Clay drew his Bowie knife, tackled Brown, cut out his eyes, and finally threw him over an embankment.” This “embankment” was actually the top of the Russell Cave (for which Russell Cave Rd is named after), trivia for any of you native Lexingtonians. It’s on Mt. Brilliant farm just south of Elkhorn Creek, where the event was hosted.“
Clay served in the Mexican–American War as a captain with the 1st Kentucky Cavalry from 1846 to 1847. He opposed the annexation of Texas and expansion of slavery into the Southwest. While making a speech for abolition in 1849, Clay was attacked by the six Turner brothers, who beat, stabbed and tried to shoot him. In the ensuing fight, Clay fought off all six and, using his Bowie knife, [unalived] Cyrus Turner.” He was instrumental in the institution of the emancipation proclamation: “Recalled to the United States in 1862 to accept a commission from Lincoln as a major general with the Union Army, Clay publicly refused to accept it unless Lincoln would agree to emancipate slaves under Confederate control.
Lincoln sent Clay to Kentucky to assess the mood for emancipation there and in the other border states. Following Clay's return to Washington, DC, Lincoln issued the proclamation in late 1862, to take effect in January 1863.”He was also appointed minister to Russia and was present for the Tsar’s emancipation of the Serfs. And his house has (it’s still standing) an extremely early form of indoor plumbing and central heating that was revolutionary for the time. He donated 10 acres of the land to form Berea College, the first integrated coeducational college in the South. Dude led an extremely interesting life and is, in my opinion, one of the most important unknown and undiscussed figures in American history. -
21.
Unnamed Viking from the Battle Of Stamford Bridge In 1066;“ By the time the bulk of the English army had arrived, the Vikings on the west side were either slain or fleeing across the bridge. The English advance was then delayed by the need to pass through the choke-point presented by the bridge itself. The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle has it that a giant Norse axeman (possibly armed with a Dane Axe) blocked the narrow crossing and single-handedly held up the entire English army. The story is that this axeman cut down up to 40 Englishmen and was defeated only when an English soldier floated under the bridge in a half-barrel and thrust his spear through the planks in the bridge, mortally wounding the axeman” -
22.
The clear answer is Julia Child. This superwoman was a WWII spy, invented shark repellent, singlehandedly brought French cuisine to America, was over 6 feet tall, was a bestselling author, was a champion woman’s basketball player, regularly went small game hunting, was known as an avid prankster, the recipient of multiple Emmys, the French Legion of Honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and honorary doctorates from several universities including Harvard, was a dedicated wife, and is beloved worldwide to this day.Honestly, her Wikipedia page is an absolute roller coaster ride if anyone is interested. -
23.
Tony Iommi. On the very day he was about to quit his job, he got the tips of two of his fingers on his right hand cut off. Thought he would never play guitar again, but he went on the essentially invent heavy metal. That's pretty badass imo. -
24.
Sgt. Dipprasad Pun of the royal Gurkha Rifles. He took out 30 Taliban by himself and was awarded the Conspicuous Gallantry Cross. -
25.
Queen Boudica, led an Iceni uprising against the roman army. -
26.
Thomas Baker Medal of Honor citation. For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty at Saipan, The Mariana Islands, 19 June to 7 July 1944. When his entire company was held up by fire from automatic weapons and small-arms fire from strongly fortified enemy positions that commanded the view of the company, Sgt. (then Pvt.) Baker voluntarily took a bazooka and dashed alone to within 100 yards of the enemy.
Through heavy rifle and machine-gun fire that was directed at him by the enemy, he knocked out the strong point, enabling his company to assault the ridge. Some days later while his company advanced across the open field flanked with obstructions and places of concealment for the enemy, Sgt. Baker again voluntarily took up a position in the rear to protect the company against a surprise attack and came upon two heavily fortified enemy pockets manned by two officers and ten enlisted men which had been bypassed. Without regard for such superior numbers, he unhesitatingly attacked and [unalived] all of them.
Five hundred yards farther, he discovered six men of the enemy who had concealed themselves behind our lines and destroyed all of them. On 7 July 1944, the perimeter of which Sgt. Baker was a part was attacked from 3 sides by from 3,000 to 5,000 Japanese. During the early stages of this attack, Sgt. Baker was severely wounded, but he insisted on remaining in the line and fired at the enemy at ranges sometimes as close as 5 yards until his ammunition ran out. Without ammunition and with his weapon battered to uselessness from hand-to-hand combat, he was carried about 50 yards to the rear by a comrade, who was then himself wounded. At this point Sgt. Baker refused to be moved any further stating that he preferred to be left to die rather than risk the lives of any more of his friends.
A short time later, at his request, he was placed in a sitting position against a small tree. Another comrade, withdrawing, offered assistance. Sgt. Baker refused, insisting that he be left alone and be given a soldier's pistol with its remaining eight rounds of ammunition. When last seen alive, Sgt. Baker was propped against a tree, pistol in hand, calmly facing the foe. Later Sgt. Baker's body was found in the same position, gun empty, with 8 Japanese lying [unalive] before him. His deeds were in keeping with the highest traditions of the U.S. Army.TL;DR: Fortified Japanese positions were holding off an entire US company.
Baker was like, “[Screw] it, I’ll do it myself,” grabbed a bazooka, and blew them up enough to allow the company to assault forward. Later, he found two hidden, fortified enemy positions behind friendly lines. He [unalived] all 12 Japanese soldiers in them by himself. half a kilometer ahead, he found six more Japanese soldiers. He attacked and [unalived] them all himself later, the company was attacked by 3,000-5,000 Japanese soldiers on 3 sides. He was wounded but kept fighting in close combat.
When his ammo ran out, he used his rifle as a club until it was broken apart. when the company had to move, he was too injured to go on. He refused to let men carry him, arguing that it would put multiple lives in danger. They propped him against a tree and gave him a pistol with 8 rounds of ammo His body was later found in the same position, with 8 [unalive] Japanese soldiers in front of him. -
27.
Jack Churchill who fought in WWII with a longbow, claymore, and bagpipes. And said after the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki “If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!” -
28.
Chinese pirate queen Ching Shih. Led a huge pirate fleet of up to 400 ships and basically robbed and murdered whatever and whoever the [hell] she wanted. Her word was law if you were on her crew any disobedience got you beheaded on the spot. She kicked the d**ks off of the Chinese navy, she whooped British and Portuguese bounty hunters.
Terrorized villages [taking out] the men and selling the women and children into slavery when their ransoms weren't paid. When she finally started losing fights to a technologically superior Portuguese Navy she cashed out. Took her loyal bloodthirsty pirate army to the Chinese government and suggested that they pardon her and her crew of all crimes and not try to confiscate any of their loot or they were gonna do one more big bloody crime starting right here. She ran a brothel/gambling house into her old age and lived in luxury and power. -
29.
PAUL ROBESON (The "Old man river" song guy) Paul Robeson was the son to a minister who ran away from slavery and his mom [passed away] in a fire at 6 yrs old started giving sermons for the church when his dad was away on business at 14 years old. In high school he was in theater, chorus, lettered in 4 sports, valedictorian, and won a scholarship to Rutgers UniversityAt Rutgers he lettered in football, track, baseball, basketball, debate, and glee club; cap and skull society member; valedictorian; won oratory awards 4 yrs straight; saved a student who fell over a canal bridge; all while taking care of his dying father on weekends. Went to Columbia Law school playing for the NFL on weekends for like $500 a game.
Met a Claire Huxtable type in summer school who studied medicine and locked that [stuff] down. You know they had a son. Practiced law until some portly b*** acted like she was too good to listen to a Black supervisor. MPR bounced, becoming an international movie star instead. We're talking singing in foreign languages and everything. Got some Dame of England punani among others. Got W.E.B. Dubois endorsementSpoke Swahili, Latin, and several other languages. Flipped the script on the President, when he was invited to the White HouseSpoke out for African American, rights 20 years before the civil rights movement. On the CIA, FBI, & MI5's watchlist -
30.
Frank William Abagnale Jr. By using a fake identity as an airline pilot, he successfully flew over a million miles on flights and forged company checks. Afraid of getting caught, he filled out his application at an apartment, saying his job was as a doctor. He then faked a Harvard degree and became a pediatrician.
At the office, he met a girl whom he called in love with and lied about also being a lawyer. He left his doctor job after realizing he could [unalive] people. He became a busboy for a local lawyer before quitting and moving to 26 other countries living off fake checks (Approximately $2.5 Million) He was eventually caught...
And then celebrated his 21st birthday. Facing time in a maximum-security prison in France, he broke out and was later deported back to the US. He broke out again by posing as a cop, and after 6 total years in prison, he then worked for the FBI, but without pay.He has written a book, 'Catch Me If You Can,' which has spun off into a BAFTA-winning movie and Tony-winning musical.
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