Look, I get it. All that spandex rubbing against you know where, you’re bound to get excited. But step one before leaving the house in a skintight superhero costume is to make sure your penis isn’t visible. It’s really very simple.

To be honest, though, you have to envy these bricked-up cosplayers. They’re letting it all hang out, literally. Imagine having the confidence not only to walk around in a Spider-Man costume, but also to show everybody in the vicinity the exact shape and curvature of your dick. Couldn’t be me.

So before we criticize these rock-hard heroes, try walking a mile in their tights. Go to work in a Morphsuit today. Let he who is without a dick print cast the first stone.