I stayed at my Sister's place one night and we for the life of us couldn't find the vacuum cleaner to blow up the spare mattress. So I hit on the bright idea of using the car exhaust to blow up the mattress.

Back then the car used leaded petrol.

As a rule, I sleep with the windows and door closed so I am damn lucky. Woke up the next morning (in hindsight luckily) with the mattress 1/2 flat and the room smoggy. But being low to ground near the door, the draft under it keeps me alive (again in hindsight).

Mixed milk and orange juice because I thought it would taste like a creamsicle not make me projectile vomit

Carolina Reaper infused gummy bear. I almost called for an ambulance. Legitimately thought I was going to die covered in sweat, shit and vomit.

Hung over and zipped my zipper before I was ready.

When I was 10ish years old I knew about sexual things, and when you find smutty magazines and porno mags you grow up believing that you’re gonna have sex all the time with every random person.

After shaving what small pubes I had, I rubbed toothpaste all over thinking “yeah the girls will like this” did I think it’d taste better? Smell better? I have no idea. All I know is it stung. I had a cool mint dick for hours.

Put pizza wrapped in foil in the microwave when I was 10 thinking it will warm up quicker. It surely did by lighting on fire 3 seconds after I turned it on

You know that thing you did as a kid when you'd prop yourself up between two objects (like a counter and table) and swing back and forth with your legs?

That. Lower jaw in 3 pieces, tongue dangling out through a open wound beneath my chin, no idea how many stitches. Teeth damages (which has already lead to one of my front teeth dying due to damaged nerves)

And to top it all off, this occurred just before we had to perform a bit of theatre for the rest of class, and it has negatively impacted my ability to perform before any audience. But the scars add some nice character!

Went to Times Square for New Years Eve in New York City. I live in NYC and I figured it was the kinda thing I wanted to see but didn’t need to see again. Went in 2000 when I was 18. Got there 11am and stayed for 13 hours in the freezing cold but with close spots to the ball drop and screen. I’m glad I did it. I’m also glad I’ve never done it again.

I jumped off a roof barefoot when I was a kid, I’ll never do that again.

It was an older house and the roof was low to the ground, so it seemed okay, but my judgement led me astray. I landed on a stone entryway and immediately collapsed to the ground. I had to crawl my way back inside and it was extremely painful. The reason I did this is because the bathroom door jammed shut and I had no way out(old house). Didn’t break anything but my feet were bruised, I’m surprised I didn’t break anything from the hard impact.

Assume the green stuff on the sushi tray was avocado...

Spray deodorant on my arse to cover up the smell of my farting.....I was 6, once that spray hit my bullet hole, the burning began

Bath salts. Tried some from a guy who went by “Asian Billy”. I did about enough to cover the head of a framing nail and was pretty much having a panic attack for the next 8 hours. I went to a casino with the other people I was working with and Asian Billy and sat at a blackjack table and just said, “I have no idea what I’m doing, sorry everyone if I mess up your bets.” Everyone was cool and I ended up winning $175.

Tried to intervene during a street fight. Got shot for my troubles.

I stole a tester eyeliner from the makeup section at a store when I was 17. The security guy took me aside in a small room and "questioned" me, asked for my information, and to scare me, he said this would always be in my record and companies won't want to hire me anymore and I burst into tears and had a panic attack. He said he'll let me off if I pay to double the price of the eyeliner, so I did and he let me go.

Now, I don't know how much of what he told me was real and if the resolve was legitimate, but if he tried to just scare me into not becoming a serial swiper, it worked.

Cocaine. I remember feeling alive, feeling like myself for the first time, feeling like I was bursting at the seams with creative ideas... I was finally the person I wished I was, as creative as I wished I was, and as motivated as I wished I was. I felt like I had found the secret holy grail of success and happiness.

Then I thought "oh... Fuck. This is why people get addicted to it." so I vowed not to do it again and went back to being depressed and unmotivated.

Used "Nair" to remove all the hair from my junk with little effort. Don't. Ever. Do. This.

Spelunking / cave exploring. For starters, it begins and ends with going through a million bats. And the journey in between is just too dangerous, in the last place in the world you'd want to get hurt. And super tight squeezes are freaky.

Opening a link in Reddit when someone else in the comments said not to.

So when I was really young I liked to play military or something and one time I wanted to be a "hostage" and escape from it to "fight the bad guys" like an idiot. However I couldn't get the tape to work myself so I asked my brother for help, so I went onto a cabinet and had my brother do it, I was excited to "escaped and fight the bad guys", then I woke up in my dad's car dizzy, confused and dazed. What had happened was because I was an idiot (and my brother was too) I was tied up on top of the cabinet so when I wanted to get down I basically faceplanted so hard my mom said it looked like I got murdered. I amazingly only had a broken nose.

So i never played "hostage" again.

I was a stupid kid.

Salvia. I experimented with lots of drugs, and especially psychedelics when I was younger but man… Take the most intense part of an acid trip but without any lead up to ease you in. So you go from stone cold sober to tripping balls in seconds. The trip only lasts for 5 minutes but you spend the next couple of hours playing catch-up with your brain trying to make sense of things. And you’d better make sure you’re with people you trust because I could have easily walked right off my balcony without thinking twice about it.

One time (I was aroung 12 or 13?) I suddenly took interest on my sharpener, since my pinky finger was small enough I decided why don't I sharpen my finger? Like why the fuck not?? So I plunged it in and twisted (hard). Took nearly a week to heal.

Ran out of toilet paper when I was 11, saw alcohol wipe cloths, and thought that would work just fine... nope, as soon as I did that first wipe it was as if the sun teleported into my asshole and I was hopping around the bathroom trying not to squeal. Mom opened the door to check on the noise and saw me jumping around with an alcohol pad between my cheeks. Keep alcohol away from your anus.

Went tubing down a alligator and snake infested South Carolina river with my southern friends on a Fourth of July years ago. The adventure was only supposed to last 3 hours tops... It lasted 7 hours because the river current was slow that day. I got the sunburn of my life that lasted until November.We also lost a raft, and encountered 2 copperhead snakes and seen multiple alligators along the edges of the river. My Yankee ass will NEVER do that again. The Southern folks can keep it

Jerk off in the living room, my mom walked in...

This one time I was getting a drink that was only for a dollar, so I sped-walk my way into the mini shops, quickly grabbed one, and ran out. I was running to my friend with the drink until I felt something in my pocket, pulled it out and it was the dollar...

SUDDEN REALIZATION

I quickly ran back to the mini shop to see the shop owners scanning the outside of their shop, I gave them my dollar and said "Sorry", they looked at the dollar, looked at each other, spoke in a different language, and went back inside.

I'm pretty sure they called me an idiot, as I went back with shame.

Buy cheap toilet paper. That 1 ply crap, which was a cross between either using sand paper on your crack or accidentally ripping through it and fingering yourself